


Learning Curve

by telperion_15



Series: Nick/Connor [1]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Consent Issues, Developing Relationship, Drama, Dubious Consent, First Kiss, M/M, episode tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-13
Updated: 2012-02-13
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telperion_15/pseuds/telperion_15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of episode tags for Series 2, charting the development of Nick and Connor's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. False Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor talks to Cutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.01.

Connor rummaged in his locker, wondering if he should follow Abby’s example and escape while the going was good. None of them had really appreciated being dragged back to the ARC to meet the new PR person, and once all the ‘hellos’ and handshaking was done with, Abby had protested continuing after-effects of her accidental tranquillisation and shot off home again before Lester could think up a reason why she should stay. She had been so quick off the mark, in fact, that she’d neglected to offer Connor a lift. Although he suspected that wasn’t _entirely_ down to forgetfulness – and he probably deserved it, after all.

Lester had promptly taken Jennifer Lewis off to his office for a full briefing on what she could expect, with Leek trailing along behind like a puppy. Stephen had wandered off muttering something about trying to fix his dart gun. And Cutter…well, after staring at Jennifer for a little longer than was strictly polite, he had simply vanished before anyone had a chance to ask him what the problem was.

Connor was worried about him. He believed what Cutter had told him about the timeline changing and all that, but the professor seemed to want to do something to correct the situation, and Connor wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. After all, Stephen had already had to drag him back from the Cretaceous. Who knew what he’d try next?

A sound from the end of the row of lockers attracted his attention. Quietly, Connor closed the door to his own locker and moved slowly in the direction of the noise. Okay, he was in the ARC, meaning nothing was likely to jump out at him, but considering what had been hiding in the last locker room he had been in, he wasn’t about to take any chances.

But, when he peered around the end of the bank of lockers he saw, not another frightened baby dinosaur, but Nick Cutter sitting on the floor, his head in his hands.

“Cutter? Are you alright?”

“What do you think?” came the muffled response.

Connor slid down until he was sitting next to Cutter on the linoleum. “I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you,” he said sympathetically. “Coming back and finding your whole life has changed. That people you knew have vanished. This must be what it feels like to be in _Star Trek_ …”

“It was her,” said Cutter abruptly.

“What? It was who?”

“It was Claudia Brown.”

“When? Where? What are you talking about?”

“Back there,” said Cutter. “Jennifer Lewis is Claudia Brown. Only her life has gone differently, and now she’s a different person.”

Connor’s jaw dropped. “Wow,” was the only thing he could think of to say.

“What the hell am I going to do?” muttered Cutter. “This is madness. I thought she was completely gone, but it turns out she’s still here. Only she’s not Claudia and she’s not the same. She’s got no idea who I am, or what we…”

“Whoa, professor,” said Connor gently, putting a hand on Cutter’s arm. “You’re not going to achieve anything by stressing over this. Maybe you need to sleep on it. Maybe we all do.”

Cutter looked at him for the first time. “When did you become so sensible?” he asked ruefully.

“Hey! I’ve always been this brilliant. You’ve just never noticed, is all.” He grinned, and Cutter smiled back, albeit a little weakly.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t what I’d do without you, Connor. It seems you’re the only one I can talk to about this. Abby’s still having trouble swallowing the whole thing, and while Stephen obviously believes me enough to have worked out what I was planning when I took the raptors home, I can tell he still thinks it’s more about what I _believe_ happened, rather than what actually _has_ occurred.”

“So does this make me your new right-hand man, then?”

“Maybe you need to learn to handle a gun a bit better first,” Cutter joked back. Then his smile died. “What am I going to do?” he said again, resting his forehead on his knee. “I need you, Connor. I need you to help me with this.”

Connor didn’t know quite how to respond to Cutter’s faith in him, and for a few seconds they were silent. But Connor had never been good with silences.

“So maybe it’s time for that kiss now, then,” he said flippantly, knowing even as the words came out of his mouth that it was possibly the stupidest thing he could have said. Now Cutter was going to remember how irritating Connor could be, come to his senses, and revert to relying on Stephen in a crisis.

Cutter’s head snapped back up and he looked straight at Connor. Connor braced himself for the inevitable reprimand for his idiocy.

But instead he found himself confronted by a desperate-looking Cutter, eyes wild, expression reflecting a sudden indecision. Connor swallowed, wondering what he had inadvertently started.

“Connor…” Now it was Cutter’s turn to put a hand on Connor’s arm, and Connor could feel the professor’s trembling being translated into his own body.

The tableau held for about three seconds and then, with a shake of his head Cutter turned away, removing his hand and slumping back against the lockers again.

“Go home, Connor. Get some sleep. We’ve all had a long day.”

Connor scrambled upright, still confused about what had just happened. He took refuge in normality. “What about you, professor? Are you going to get some sleep too?”

“Yes, I will,” promised Cutter. “But I need to see Jennifer again first. No, don’t try to talk me out of it,” he continued, forestalling Connor’s protest. “I won’t be able to sleep until I’ve talked to her. That’s just the way it is.”

“Okay,” said Connor grudgingly. “But promise me you’ll go home after that.”

“I promise,” replied Cutter. “That is, if Lester doesn’t find another dinosaur for me to chase today.”

But the joke fell flat, and as Connor retrieved his jacket from his locker, he couldn't help but worry about what Cutter was going to say to Jennifer Lewis.


	2. Repeat Viewing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor pays Cutter a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag for 2.02.
> 
> Spoilers for episodes 1.04 and 2.02.

As he raised his hand to the doorbell Connor wondered again if this was really such a good idea. It felt a little weird to be standing at Cutter’s front door. This would normally be Stephen’s territory, wouldn’t it? He would normally be the one getting Cutter to talk about what was bothering him. Although, privately, Connor doubted that even Stephen had ever succeeded at that – Cutter had never struck him as being the ‘sharing’ type.

Which begged the question – what _was_ he doing here? If Stephen couldn’t get Cutter to talk through his issues (and that was even less likely now, given how things still lay between the two men), what made Connor think he would be any more successful?

And yet for some reason he felt compelled to try. Maybe it had something to do with the look Cutter got every time something appeared to him to be slightly different to the norm. The man looked like he was lost – reeling from the impact of one shock after another. Connor knew that Cutter needed someone to believe in him right now. And oddly enough, that job seemed to have fallen to him.

Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell.

Seconds passed, and Connor began to wonder if Cutter was even home. Perhaps he was still at the ARC. Then a light in the hall flicked on, and he saw a silhouette approaching the door, the shape quickly resolving itself into Nick Cutter through the frosted glass. The door opened.

“Connor.”

“You look a lot more cheerful,” said Connor, the words slipping out before he could hold them back. And it was true – although perhaps ‘cheerful’ wasn’t quite the correct word. ‘Composed’ might be a better way of putting it. The slightly haunted look that Cutter had been wearing since he had come back from the Permian had faded slightly, to be replaced by something that almost looked like acceptance.

Cutter smiled. “Surprising, considering…” he said cryptically. “Why don’t you come in, Connor.”

Standing in Cutter’s living room, Connor suddenly realised that he had never been inside this house before. Curiously, he looked around. Yes, this place definitely looked like the home of Nick Cutter. It looked comfortable, if a little worn out. And the amount of clutter definitely tallied with what he knew of Cutter’s working environment.

“So, what can I do for you at this time of night?”

Connor started, looking round to see Cutter holding out a beer. He waved it away.

“I probably shouldn’t. I’ve only just left the pub. Had to catch a cab as I don’t think Abby would have let me drive her car.”

“You and Abby celebrating another job well done?”

“Actually, I wasn’t with Abby. I was with a girl named Caroline. We met this morning in the video shop. But then, of course, I got called away on giant worm duty. Luckily, she came back. God only knows why.”

Cutter smiled. “Good for you,” he said. But there was something odd in his voice that Connor couldn’t identify.

“So what _are_ you doing here, then?”

“Came to see how you are,” offered Connor. “Today can’t have been the easiest day for you.”

Cutter looked momentarily surprised at Connor’s compassion, but then he sighed. “You can say that again. Although I could be feeling a lot worse, which is…”

“Surprising,” interrupted Connor. “Yeah, you said that already. Why is it surprising, exactly?”

“I went to see her, earlier this evening.”

“Who, Jenny?”

“Yes.”

“And…?”

“And she’s married. Or has a boyfriend. Or partner, or whatever. He was there.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Connor couldn’t think what else to say.

“I think that’s when it finally hit me. She’s not Claudia. She might look like her, and sound like her, but she’s not her. Claudia would never have spoken to that girl like Jenny did today. And do you know what else she said?” Cutter grinned weakly. “She said that Lester was an ‘impressive man.’ Can you believe that?”

Connor grinned back. “‘Impressive’ is not necessarily how I’d describe Lester. At least, not in the positive sense of the word.”

“I’ve just got to get on with the job,” said Cutter firmly. “Claudia’s gone, and she’s not coming back. I should just focus on the work.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” said Connor, feeling like this was good opportunity to steer the conversation away from Jenny Lewis. “I wanted to say thank you.”

“What for?”

“For telling Leek that you wanted me to be in charge of the development of the anomaly detector.”

“Well, why shouldn’t you be? You probably understand the concept better than all of us. And although you don’t always show it, there’s a clever brain in that head of yours.”

“Well, it means a lot that you would trust me with that. I realise that I’m not always the most useful person on the team.”

“Connor, you’re just a valuable as everyone else,” responded Cutter, smiling gently. “Which is why I’d prefer it if you didn’t nearly get yourself swallowed by a giant worm again any time in the near future.”

Connor shuddered as the experience came flooding back. “Not the most pleasant moment of my life,” he admitted. “You’d think we’d be used to things like that happening by now.”

“It wasn’t particularly pleasant to watch, either,” said Cutter quietly. “Are you sure you’re alright, though? We might have laughed at the time, but I really don’t want to lose another team member to the anomalies.”

Presuming that Cutter was referring to the absent Claudia again, Connor nodded sympathetically. Then he saw Cutter’s face, and suddenly he was flashing back to their encounter in the locker room the previous day. He’d all but dismissed the whole thing as an instance of overactive imagination, and forgotten all about it in the chaos of the day. But the look Cutter was giving him now was reminding him forcibly of the expression on the man’s face as they had sat side-by-side on the cold floor at the end of a row of lockers – it was pure desperation and longing. Connor wondered if Cutter was even aware he was doing it – it was probably just the remnants of his turmoil over the whole Claudia/Jenny situation that was showing through. Residual shock, that was all.

Trying to cover his own confusion, Connor backed towards the door. “I should probably go,” he stuttered. “It’s late, after all. I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”

But Cutter suddenly grabbed his arm. “Seriously, Connor. Keep yourself out of trouble, okay?”

“Bit of a problem in our line of work, don’t you think?” Connor joked weakly. But the last few words were muffled as Cutter pulled him into a hug.

Cutter had hugged him before – when Tom had died. Connor remembered the experience vividly – that was the first moment that he had really felt like his presence on the team was welcomed, rather than just tolerated.

But this didn’t feel like that. Now it felt like Cutter was the one who needed reassurance, not the other way round. It felt like Cutter _needed_ Connor.

_Well, of course he needs me_ , Connor thought.  _I’m the one who believes him. That’s all it is_.

But when Cutter finally released him, about two seconds later than he should have, Connor found that he wasn't sure he believed that.


	3. Mistakes Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.03.

Connor tossed his hat and coat violently across the room, entirely missing the chair he had only been vaguely aiming at in the first place. Glancing up, he caught sight of Cutter’s surprised expression reflected in one of the glass walls of which the ARC seemed to be entirely constructed of.

“What?”

Cutter raised a placating hand. “Sorry, nothing.”

Connor sighed. “No, I’m sorry, professor. It’s just…that was a bit of a waste of time, wasn’t it? Our first detected anomaly, and all we do is sit and watch it for two hours until it closes. No creatures or anything. Not even prehistoric shrew!”

“Bit of a turn-around for you, isn’t it? Normally you can’t get enough of the anomalies, whether they produce a creature or not.”

“Well, it’s just…”

“Ah, your date. Sorry about that.”

“Oh, never mind. I’m sure there’ll be other dates. Well, actually, I’m not sure. I mean, how often do _I_ get dates? And I’ve stood Caroline up twice now today – she’ll probably never want to see me again.”

Cutter smiled. “Oh, I’m sure she will. Abby tells me she’s rather…persistent.”

“Surprisingly so,” Connor said self-deprecatingly. “Considering my track record.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short, Connor. She’ll be back.”

“Yeah, and I’ll probably get dragged out to another anomaly again five minutes after that!”

“Well, if you like we can conveniently forget to call you the next time one pops up.”

Connor snorted. “Maybe that would be best. Then I wouldn’t try to shoot innocent bystanders.”

“You were only trying to help – it was an accident.”

“And you refusing to give me a gun in the woods had nothing to do with the hole I put in that lion costume? Do you know how humiliating it is to be the class idiot, professor? You, and Stephen, and Abby – you all treat me like some kind of liability. I might as well not be here – you’d probably all be better off.”

“Come on, Connor – what about the anomaly detector? We couldn’t have done that without you.”

“Yeah, and as soon as it looked like it had failed you were all thinking _bloody Connor – he’s messed it up again_. Don’t think I didn’t notice the look on your face, professor. I expected it from Leek, Lester – hell, even from Jenny. But I hoped you might back me up. After all, I’ve been backing you up a lot lately. I thought the least I could expect was a little faith.”

Cutter looked a little taken aback. Then he sighed. “You’re right.”

Connor blinked. “I am?”

“Yes, you are. And I’m sorry. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – you _are_ a valuable member of the team. But maybe we don’t always make you feel like that. You make mistakes, but then so does everybody else. And I think you proved today that the anomaly detector does work, after all. I should have trusted in you more. Although…” Cutter smiled. “Did you really think you were going to be able to take out the _Smilodon_ all by yourself?”

“Did you?” Connor shot back. “Abby told me about your little escapade – luring it off into the woods. And then you went off to Valerie’s place on your own too. You keep talking about this so-called team, professor, but you persist in trying to do things alone. I know you’re convinced everything’s different now, but some things _aren’t_. We should still be looking out for each other.”

“Why, Connor, I didn’t know you cared.” Cutter’s tone was light, but his face was serious, and it suddenly occurred to Connor to wonder how on earth they’d ended up having _this_ conversation. Again.

“Of course I care, professor. We all do. After all, what would we do without our fearless leader? Can you imagine what a mess things would be if we didn’t have you telling us what to do? And besides, it’s far too much fun watching you wind up Jenny. You seem to be coping better with that, by the way.”

“Oh, well, she’s not as bad as I first thought,” Cutter allowed. “Totally without morals when it comes to the poor members of the public, but she does get the job done – I’ll give her that.”

“There, you see? Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Do you know, you might just be right,” said Cutter. “Thank you, Connor.”

“Always happy to help. You can depend on me, professor.”

“I know I can.”

“That’s me, Mr. Dependability. Always cool in a crisis. Never let anyone d…”

Cutter kissed him. It was only a dry press of lips against lips, over before it had really begun, but there was no mistaking it for anything but a kiss.

“What…?”

“I told you once that I could kiss you. Now seemed as good a time as any.”

“But what about Claudia? And Jenny, and…”

Cutter was looking at him in an entirely unsettling manner, like someone who was perfectly aware that they had just kissed their student and colleague, and didn’t see anything wrong with it. And more than that, he looked like he was contemplating doing it again. Connor didn’t have a clue what was going on – suddenly he felt like _he_ was the one who had found himself in an altered timeline.

Then his phone beeped. Dragging it out of his pocket, he read the message quickly, feeling it would be unwise to take his eyes off Cutter for too long. “It’s Caroline – wondering if I’m available for a drink yet. Um…”

Cutter shook his head slightly, and suddenly the regularly crazy professor was back. “God, Connor, I’m sorry. That was…I didn’t mean…” He paused and took a deep breath. “Go and meet Caroline. You don’t need to be here any more tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? We can work on downsizing the handheld detector.”

Then he shot out of the room as if a whole pride of Smilodon were after him, leaving Connor to wonder what exactly had just happened.


	4. Quick Fix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some problems just fester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.04.

Something fizzled, and Connor drew his hand back quickly. “Shit!”

The sound of footsteps alerted him a split second before a pair of boots appeared in his field of vision, and Professor Cutter crouched down to peer at him where he was lying under the anomaly detector.

“Connor, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to improve the efficiency of this thing, so it can pin down the coordinates of the anomalies more quickly.”

“That’s funny, because it looks like you’re pulling out a whole load of wiring that would be better off staying where it is.”

“Shows what you know,” Connor retorted, reaching for the wiring again.

“Whoa, hey, wait a minute.” Cutter grabbed his ankles and hauled him out from under the console, holding out a hand until Connor grasped it to be pulled to his feet. “If you’re not careful you’re going to undo all your hard work, the detector won’t work properly, and then you’ll feel even worse than you do now. Not to mention the fact that you’ll also totally piss off Lester.” He paused. “On second thoughts, why don’t you carry on?” Cutter grinned, but Connor didn’t grin back, and after a second the other man’s smile faded.

“What’s the matter, Connor? Is it something to do with Abby? She’s safe now, you know. You don’t have to worry any more.”

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Connor muttered.

“Is that what this is about? You blame me for what happened to her?”

“Well, why shouldn’t I blame you? If you weren’t so concerned with always going your own way and following up your hunches, Abby would never have been taken by that thing in the first place!”

“But I was right. In the end.”

“My god, Lester was right. You _are_ totally incapable of being a team player. You could have waited. You could have followed the plan, and then...”

“And then Lucien would probably have been dead!” Cutter snapped. “Is that what you wanted?”

“You don’t know that for sure. And that way Abby would never have been in any danger.”

“But she’s okay. You saved her, Connor. You didn’t give up on her. We found her.”

“But she nearly died, Cutter! We all did. Just because you were so desperate to prove you were right once again. The anomalies aren’t everything, you know. There are other things in life that are important too. Like friendship, and respect, and looking out for each other… _and why aren’t you looking at me_?!”

“Because everyone else is,” Cutter responded quietly.

Connor looked around. Cutter was right. Two technicians were eyeing him with some alarm from one of the glass-walled laboratories. Stephen was watching them worriedly from the door to the atrium. Lester was standing up in his office, a sneer of disdain twisting his features, with the ever-present Leek smirking behind his right shoulder. Even the two men on security duty had halted their patrols and were staring down at him.

“Come on.” Cutter grabbed his elbow. “Connor, come _on_.”

Connor allowed himself to be led from the atrium and into one of the conference rooms, where the partially frosted glass of the walls gave them at least a semblance of privacy.

Slumped in a chair, Connor watched as Cutter paced up and down on the other side of the conference table, keeping his distance.

“What’s really going on here, Connor? Where’s Abby? It’s been three days since all this happened – she’s not still recovering at home, is she?”

“No, she went out to yoga class yesterday. And she was practicing with her punch-bag when I left this morning.”

“And…?”

“And what? That’s it.”

“Why isn’t she here? The shark’s still being examined and recorded. Normally she’d be in the thick of something like that. Has something else happened? Have you two had another fight?”

“No! Nothing like that.”

“So what is it like, then?”

Connor sighed. He really didn’t want to get into this, and especially with Cutter of all people. But Cutter was giving him that look of his – the ‘I’m not giving up until I find out what’s going on’ look. 

_It’s that personality trait that got me into this mess in the first place_ , Connor reminded himself sourly. But it was too late. He was already telling Cutter everything.

“When we were in the future, when Abby was hanging off that cliff, I kinda…sorta…told her I loved her.”

“Ah.” A pause. “And do you?”

“I don’t know,” Connor confessed. “Fancy her, yes. But love her? As anything more than a friend? I don’t know. Love is…huge. There’s no going back from that.” He thought for a minute. “She asked me about it later, and I couldn’t say it again. I just couldn’t. We just looked at each other. And then Caroline showed up, and…god, why does everything have to be so complicated?! Everything’s gone all weird now, and I don’t know what to do to make it right.”

Cutter walked around the table and placed a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Just give it some time. You need to sort through what you’re feeling. And so does Abby.”

Connor shrugged the hand away. “Oh, that’s great advice, coming from you,” he said bitterly.

Cutter tried and failed to look surprised at that, which for some reason only pissed Connor off even more.

“You’re not making things any easier for me, do you know that, professor? You talk about sorting out feelings, and here you are, still not able to tell the difference between Jenny and a woman that doesn’t even exist any more, and kissing me because you can’t handle it. And then you apparently forget all about what happened between us, leaving me hanging in some kind of emotional limbo. And I’m supposed to be taking advice from you about my love life?”

“Connor, I’m sorry…”

“Damn it, professor!” Connor stood up suddenly, sending his chair skidding across the floor. Grabbing two handfuls of Cutter’s jacket, he hauled the other man close. “What do you _want_? Do you want Jenny? Or Claudia? Or me?”

“I don’t know. It’s not that simple.”

“Well then, since neither of us apparently has a clue, it won’t matter if I do this.”

And then he was kissing Cutter, backing him up until he was pressed against the frosted glass, which was now giving them no privacy at all. It was a desperate move, full of confusion and raw emotion. And for a moment he thought he had gone too far, as Cutter remained passive against him – not fighting, but not reciprocating either.

Connor growled in his throat, and the glass vibrated slightly as he shook Cutter against it. And then, suddenly, as if he’d been given permission, Cutter _was_ kissing him back, frantically and desperately, and everything was messy, there was no finesse, and Connor didn’t care. Because, at last, something felt right.

But then, with shockingly bad timing, the siren of the anomaly detector was going off, and Connor was stepping back and away, and they were avoiding each other's gaze until suddenly Stephen was banging on the wall, gesturing at them both to get moving, and they were hurrying back to the atrium.


	5. Changing Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.05.

“Connor!”

“Up here, professor.”

Cutter appeared up the stairs, his eyes taking in the mess scattered across Abby’s flat as he came to a halt next to Connor.

“What on earth’s been going on here?”

“Rex is gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

“Abby and I got back from the ARC about half-an-hour ago and found this.” Connor waved a vague arm towards the shattered crockery on the floor. “And Rex wasn’t here.”

“Where’s Abby?”

“She’s gone out to look for him round the neighbourhood. She’s hoping he might just have escaped again, like the last time. I said I’d stay here and call you.”

“But you don’t think he has just escaped, do you? You think something else is going on.”

“I don’t know what to think, professor.”

“But you have an idea.”

“Well, there was this incident last week…Abby and I got home, Caroline was here, and Rex was shut in the fridge. Caroline said it was an accident, and I believed her…”

“But now you’re not so sure.”

“Oh, come on, professor! What possible reason could she have for wanting to do anything to Rex? She doesn’t even know what he is.”

“Okay, Connor.” Cutter placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Let’s not jump to any conclusions. We’ll wait for Abby to get back – Rex might just have flown out of a window, after all. And if not…well, then we’ll figure out what to do next, and what this has to do with all the other stuff that’s been going on.”

“This is all getting way too weird, professor. First that cleaner guy, then the spyware in the anomaly detector, now this.”

“Let’s just wait for Abby to get back.”

An awkward silence fell. Cutter started peering at Abby’s collection of lizards, while Connor made a half-hearted attempt to pick up the bits of broken plate. He wasn’t exactly sure how to behave around Cutter at the moment. When they were working together it was fine – Connor could make an attempt at professionalism (or, at least, his own brand of it), and distance himself from the weirdness that was between them. 

But they weren’t at work now, and Connor couldn’t think of single thing to say that wouldn’t sound dumb, or wouldn’t seem like precisely what it was – a desperate attempt to break the silence.

However, there were only so many pieces of crockery to pick up, and only so many lizards for Cutter to examine, and the atmosphere became more and more strained as they both tried looked anywhere but at each other.

“Cutter, what’s going on between us?”

“Connor, I think we need to talk.”

Both men spoke at the same time, and then chuckled nervously as each gestured at the other to continue.

“When I thought you weren’t going to come back, that really scared me,” Connor blurted suddenly. “And not just because Lester put me in charge of the anomalies. I mean, I was flattered to be asked, but oh my god, the responsibility! I don’t know how you do it, professor. An afternoon was enough for me…”

He trailed off as he noticed Cutter looking at him silently.

“I tried to run in after you,” he admitted sheepishly. “Abby stopped me.”

“Good,” said Cutter firmly. “I’m glad she did. The last thing I would have wanted was for you to put yourself in danger.” He paused, smiling slightly. “It means a lot that you would try, though.”

Connor shifted uncomfortably. “I really wanted you to come back,” he said quietly.

“Well, I did. So I’ll be taking back responsibility for the anomalies, thank you very much.”

But the joke fell rather flat as Connor failed to crack a smile. Instead he slowly reached out a hand and lightly touched Cutter’s face.

“I’m glad you’re home, professor.”

Cutter raised his own hand and grasped Connor’s wrist, pulling the younger man closer. “We’re working in a dangerous situation,” he murmured. “And neither of us knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month. All we can do is try our best to stay safe and help each other out.”

Connor made a disparaging noise. “Because I really helped out today,” he said bitterly. “The anomaly closed and all I could do was watch it and hope it would reopen. Not very constructive.”

“Hey, don’t underestimate the power of hope. I told that little girl today that hope was important, and I was right. We made it home and you didn’t give up on us.”

“I really wanted you to come back,” Connor said again.

“And I really wanted to come back to you,” Cutter replied.

They were no more than a foot apart now, Cutter’s hand still curled around Connor’s wrist, Connor’s hand still hovering near Cutter’s face. The tableau held for a long moment. Then…

_Ah, the hell with it._

Connor took the final step forward as Cutter’s free arm snaked around his waist and held him close. Connor could feel a slight trembling in that arm, one that he was sure was matched by the shaking in his hand where it now rested on Cutter’s shoulder.

“This is what hope gets you,” Cutter whispered, before leaning in and kissing him.

It was different to the other kisses – the first one that had been barely worthy of the title, and the second one that had been full of anger and confusion. This one was tentative, exploratory, and Connor wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.

But as Cutter backed him carefully against the banisters at the top of the stairs, something clicked and Connor just _melted_ against the other man, sighing into Cutter’s mouth as he parted his lips slightly. The feeling of this being _right_ was back – something he’d never felt with Caroline, and with Abby…no, he wasn’t going to think about Abby now.

He sighed again, and Cutter broke away, smiling at the somewhat dazed expression on Connor’s face.

“Earth to Connor.”

Connor blinked. “Sorry. But that was…” He smiled back.

“Well, it’s always nice to be appreciated.”

Connor made an effort to get his mind back on track. “So, where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know,” replied Cutter honestly. “Big things are happening at the moment, Connor. Things that you and I both know are going to take up a lot of our time. And our mysterious adversary is only going to make things more difficult. I think we just need to take things one step at a time. And that might be a cliché, but I don’t see that we have any other choice.”

“You’re right,” said Connor decisively. “Right now the anomalies have to come first. Although I can’t say that I’m sorry they exist – I would never have met you otherwise.”

That earned Connor a swift, but very thorough, kiss, and when they parted both men were breathing a little heavily.

“I suppose I could wish for a slightly less complicated situation, though,” Connor mused, as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Who do you think it is that’s working against us?”

Cutter shrugged. “Who knows? Stephen’s got a bee in his bonnet about Lester, but I’m not so sure.”

“What about Jenny?” Connor offered tentatively.

“Could be. Could be anyone.”

“By the way, was she flirting with you earlier?”

Cutter grimaced. “I think she might have been, yes.”

“But she’s engaged, isn’t she?”

“Yep.”

“So why…”

“Haven’t a clue. I don’t understand that woman at all. And like I said, she might look good, but so does a velociraptor.”

Connor grinned, but at the sound of the front door downstairs slamming the expression faded. Cutter stepped away slightly as Abby hurried up the stairs. She looked upset.

“I can’t find Rex anywhere. I’ve been calling and calling…”

Connor tried to smile reassuringly as Cutter placed an arm around her shoulders.

"Don't worry, we'll find him..."


	6. Gathering Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking in the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.06.

Connor sat on the hard, cold concrete floor, in the hard, cold concrete cell, and listened to Cutter pacing backwards and forwards in front of him – five steps one way, fives steps the other.

There were only the two of them in this cell – Abby and Jenny had been taken somewhere else. It occurred to Connor that he should be worried about this – about _them_ – but the noise of Cutter’s pacing had got into his ears, into his head, until he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He considered yelling at Cutter to just _stop_ , but held back, unsure if their fragile new relationship could handle yelling yet.

Then he chuckled, a wholly incongruous sound given the current circumstances. Yelling was the least of their problems right now.

Abruptly, the pacing stopped, and Connor glanced up to see Cutter looking down at him. At least, he assumed Cutter was looking at him – in the near-darkness of the cell all he could really see was a faint outline of the other man.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

Cutter sighed, and then sat down next to Connor, sliding his back down the wall until he landed with a defeated thud on the concrete. He was only inches away, but they weren’t touching, and to Connor the gap felt as wide as an ocean.

“Well, we’re in the shit now and no mistake,” Connor commented, and then cursed himself for stating the bloody obvious. The last thing Cutter needed was him being his usual idiotic self. He made a quick vow to keep his mouth shut.

“Oh, Connor…”

There was the sound of fabric shifting against concrete, and suddenly Connor’s left side was warm where Cutter was leaning against him. Tentatively, Connor insinuated an arm round Cutter’s shoulders and held him while he shook – with rage? with sorrow?

“Why did she have to do this? Why did _he_ have to do this?”

Helen and Stephen. The two people Cutter had known the longest had betrayed him. Connor knew he couldn’t compete with that – all he could do was be here for Cutter, and pray that the man didn’t implode under all the stress.

“Do you really think Stephen knew what was going on?” he asked quietly. “He’s your best friend, Cutter. Surely he wouldn’t do that to you?”

“Yeah, well, clearly he’s not as good a friend as I thought he was,” muttered Cutter bitterly. “He’s made his choice. And he didn’t choose me. And now he’s got to live with that.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I choose you,” Connor offered, even as his brain was telling him not to be so stupid, how could that possibly matter _now_?

“It does make me feel better, Connor. It does.”

There was more movement in the darkness, and then he felt Cutter’s lips on the corner of his mouth, missing their mark slightly, but no less insistent for all that. Connor turned his head slightly, and everything slid into its proper position, and suddenly Stephen and Helen and Leek and all that other stuff didn’t matter, because Cutter still wanted _him_. And Connor silently vowed he would be worthy of this man even if it killed him. Which, he reflected, it already nearly had done. Several times.

“Don’t leave me, Connor.” Cutter’s voice sounded small in the darkness, and Connor tightened his grip around the other man’s shoulders.

“I won’t,” he promised, although he knew it was promise he might not be able to keep.

“I know you won’t,” Cutter sighed. Then, “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“What about earlier?” said Connor, confused.

“With the bomb and all. I know you were frightened.”

“Frightened? Me? Nah… Although if you had got us blown up we might have been having a punch-up of our very own outside the pearly gates!”

He chuckled again, and this time Cutter joined in, both of them ignoring the slight edge of hysteria the sound had taken on.

Laughter died away into silence, leaving Connor contemplating the little red light up near the ceiling that probably marked the presence of a security camera. It also probably meant that Helen was watching them right now – the thought gave him a peculiar sense of satisfaction.

“What do you think’s going to happen?” he asked a few moments later. “What can Helen and Leek possibly want with all those creatures?”

“Who knows?” replied Cutter tiredly. “World domination? A really bizarre petting zoo? I’ve given up trying decipher Helen’s motivations for anything. And Leek…well, the slimy little git can rot in hell for all I care.”

“Maybe Stephen will help us,” said Connor, trying to ignore the feeling of treading on thin ice. “I know you’re angry with him, but like I said before, he’s our friend. I don’t think he deliberately set out to do this to us.”

“Maybe not,” Cutter allowed. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Helen’s got him so tightly wrapped around her little finger that I doubt he would see the truth if it came up to him and bit his head off.”

Connor fell silent. There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. They couldn’t do anything until they knew what was going on. And he was getting a sinking feeling that they wouldn’t find that out without a reappearance by Helen Cutter.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into this, Connor,” said Cutter suddenly. “I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“And what? You would have come on your own, professor?” Connor retorted. “’Cos that would have been a really great idea! Abby and I – we trust you, Cutter. Hell, I think even Jenny trusts you, although she doesn’t always show it. We’re with you, professor. We wouldn’t have let you come here on your own.”

“I think you can drop the ‘professor’ now, Connor.”

“Huh?”

“And the ‘Cutter’.”

“What?”

“My name is Nick,” Cutter said softly. “I think we’re a bit past surnames and titles, don’t you?”

“Oh. Okay. Sorry, Cu…Nick.” The name felt odd on Connor’s tongue – disrespectful, almost. He knew it would take some getting used to. “But did you hear what I said?”

“I heard you. But it doesn’t change things. I know I asked you not to leave me, but I take that back. You see an opportunity to get out, you take it. And take Abby and Jenny with you too, if you can.”

“But I…”

“ _Promise_ me, Connor!”

“Fine, I promise!” And then more gently, “I promise, Nick.” And this time he didn’t feel bad about the lie.

“Thank you.” Cutter kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

A warm hand settled on Connor’s thigh, and he smiled slightly in the darkness.

“So what do we do now?”

"We wait."


	7. In Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode tag to (and therefore spoilers for) episode 2.07.

It was all falling apart. Connor could practically see the pieces crumbling away, even as he struggled to catch them and put them back together again.

But it was no good. Every day Cutter broke a little bit more, and Connor didn’t have a clue what to do about it.

He had to give the man credit, though. He was a bloody good actor. No one else – not Abby, not Jenny, not Lester – suspected a thing. Oh, they knew he was grieving, but they all thought he was doing a really good job of handling it.

Connor was the only one who had seen underneath that façade, although he suspected that, if Cutter had had his way, not even he would have been any the wiser.

But he had seen. And therefore it was Connor who held Cutter while he sobbed. Connor who took it when he ranted and railed at Helen, at Leek, at the world in general. Connor who kept these secrets from the rest of the team, protecting Cutter when the man didn’t even know he needed protecting.

And yet Connor doubted that Cutter even really noticed him most of the time. Everything was about Stephen now. Stephen and Helen. They were the only people Cutter saw any more. The only people that mattered to him were the ones who weren’t here.

Connor understood that. He did. He understood that Cutter was feeling an overwhelming guilt about what had happened – about letting Stephen make the ultimate sacrifice. Although, as Cutter had explained it, it didn’t seem like he’d had much choice in the matter. Stephen had made his decision, and it was unlikely that Cutter would have been able to stop him.

But he understood Cutter’s guilt. Because he was feeling it too.

He had promised himself that he wouldn’t leave Cutter behind. No matter that Cutter had told him to get out if he could. That didn’t matter.  He wasn’t going to leave the man behind.

But then he had. He, Abby, Jenny, and Caroline – they had left. And Connor couldn’t escape the feeling that if he’d gone back, if he’d found Cutter, and Stephen, and Helen, that things would have been different.

Which was ridiculous. After all, what could _he_ have done? Nothing. Him being there wouldn’t have made any difference. Probably would have made things worse, in reality.

But the guilt remained.

Tonight was a sobbing night. Connor had turned up at Cutter’s house to find the man halfway down a bottle of whisky, crying his heart out. He’d tried to hide it when he’d answered the door (having long since given up ignoring Connor’s leaning on the bell when he discovered that the young man would just keep doing it until he was admitted), but when he’d seen that Connor wasn’t buying it he’d just crumpled, letting Connor catch him and guide him back into the living room.

Connor deposited him on the sofa, removed the bottle and glass, and made a couple of mugs of strong coffee. Which were then left to go slowly cold on the table.

“Fuck it, why did he have to be so _stupid_?”

The words were barely intelligible, but they didn’t need to be. Connor had heard them all before. And he knew this was a question that didn’t require an answer. Not that he knew what the answer was, in any case.

So instead he just held Cutter closer and stayed silent.

“Maybe Helen was right. Maybe we should change things. God knows there are some events that would have been better off not happening.”

Connor tensed. So not _just_ a sobbing night, then. These were the times that scared him the most. The times when his normally sane and rational professor started talking like his wife. Started entertaining thoughts of doing something completely _in_ sane and _ir_ rational. Connor knew that normally Cutter would _never_ do anything like that. But grief does strange things to people, and Connor also knew that if Cutter took it into his head to try and change what had happened, Connor would have to try and stop him. And he dreaded to think what the consequences of that would be.

“Sssh,” he murmured softly, hoping the madness would pass, as it had done on so many other nights.

“No, that’s it! That’s really it!” Cutter’s voice was suddenly stronger and, more worryingly, it had lost some of the alcoholic slur. “That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to find Helen, and I’m going to make her tell me how to do it. I can change things. I can bring him back.”

He pushed Connor away and jumped up, his words tumbling over each other as he paced wildly backwards and forwards.

Surreptitiously, Connor stood as well and positioned himself by the door. This wasn’t going to be one of those times when he could talk Cutter out of it, or when he could let the alcohol do its work until the man forgot all about his wild ideas. This was different. Cutter meant it this time.

His movement caught Cutter’s eye, and the man turned to look at him, his face showing a drunken confusion that at any other time would have been amusing and almost cute.

“What are you doing there?”

“I can’t let you do this, professor. I can’t let you leave.”

“I’ll bloody well do what I like! You can’t stop me!”

“I will if I have to.” Connor tried to make his tone hard, resolved. But the look of contempt on Cutter’s face told him he hadn’t quite succeeded.

“I’d like to see you try,” sneered Cutter. “What a joke – Connor Temple, the pathetic idiot trying to be the big tough man. You can’t replace him, you know. You’ll never be able to replace him. Now let me out of here!”

“Can’t do it, Nick,” said Connor softly. “Can’t take the risk.”

Cutter moved so fast that Connor’s brain was still catching up with events when he found himself pinned against the doorframe, the wooden edge uncomfortable against his back and Cutter’s hot, whisky-tainted breath on his face.

“Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do,” Cutter hissed. “You don’t have that right.”

And then Cutter was kissing him, and he tasted like whisky too. Connor wasn’t sure whether this was a punishment, or simply Cutter demonstrating that he could do what he wanted. But one thing was for sure – if this went much further, their fledgling relationship wouldn’t survive it. Even if Cutter came to his senses later, moved past his grief for Stephen, they’d never be able to go back. They’d never be able to forget this. It would destroy everything.

So why was he letting Cutter do it?

Simple answer: he wasn’t sure he could stop him. Up to now Connor had been working on a simple combination of determination and bluff – relying on Cutter backing down in the face of opposition.

But that hadn’t happened, and right now Connor doubted he would be able to push Cutter away. He wasn’t tough and he wasn’t strong. And Cutter was both. Oh, not as strong as Stephen maybe, but more than capable of keeping Connor pinned in this position.

However, there was a more complicated answer too. One that Connor didn’t want to examine too closely. Maybe this was what Cutter needed. Maybe he needed to get…something…out of his system. To prove that there were some things he could control. And in some small corner of his mind Connor could understand that – just a little.

All this went through his head in a few seconds, while Cutter assaulted his mouth and Connor stood passively by and let him. Then Cutter growled in his throat and pressed closer, and suddenly Connor could feel Cutter’s erection through layers of cotton and denim.

He reacted instinctively, finding a strength he didn’t know he had and jerking his shoulders and hips forward. Cutter reeled backwards, his head connecting with the other side of the doorframe with an audible thud. For a second pain contorted his features, and then he was staring at Connor aghast, his expression showing a slowly dawning horror and shame.

“Connor, I…”

Connor flinched, and the hand that Cutter had been reaching towards him dropped back to the man’s side.

“Forget it, okay. You were upset. I get it.”

“Connor, that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have…”

“Just _forget it_!” repeated Connor savagely. He couldn’t talk about it now. That really _would_ break them.

“I’m sorry.”

“Just promise me one thing,” said Connor, ignoring the apology. “Promise me you’re not still thinking about running off to change all our timelines.”

“Of course I’m not. I promise, Connor.”

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear. Now, don’t you think you’d better go to bed and sleep it off? We’ve already lost one member of our team – we can’t lose you too.” Connor heard his voice soften on the last few words, the thought joining all the others currently making his head spin.

Cutter nodded resignedly. “Okay. You’re right.” His eyes flicked in the direction of the front door. “You can leave now, if you like. I really do promise I’m not going to do anything stupid.” He paused. “More stupid.”

Connor shook his head firmly. "You ned someone to be here. The sofa looks just about long enough for me." He held up a hand to stall the words he could see forming on Cutter's lips - apology or protest? "No arguments. I'm staying. For now."


End file.
